Y'all should just ask me for 4D numbers. Or Toto numbers. Serious.
That day Fatty and I went to town for a movie. It ended quite late, Funny People was damn draggy!
Anyway, we ended up like waiting for each other outside the toilet for damn long because that Fatty went to go to the bags area looking for a totally ugly turtle bag to buy and I was dutifully waiting outside the stupid toilet. I thought he was shitting or something.
By the time we both saw each other, I could have strangled him. It's already 9.15pm! The shops in town are going to like close soon and I haven't done my monthly retail therapy session, my god.
Can you believe it?
In like 15 minutes we walked like damn fast down from Lido to Wisma and I bought (+ tried on) 2 shorts (which are like my favourite shorts-of-the-moment!) from Cotton On (They have an offer of selling 2 shorts of any colour for S$30!) and we brisk-walked, Meiyi's style, to Taka's Pull&Bear.
I was scanning like a robot on any potential clothes-to-buy when I entered the shop and Fatty said, "This one!", and omg, suddenly my impression of his sense-of-taste has like drastically improved.
I guess he knows what I like.
Anyway, I ended up spending about S$100 within 15minutes of rushed-shopping. Oh no.
I try to console myself it's part of my birthday gift, since my mom just banked in the money from the red packets, haha.
So after that I kept having weird food cravings (must have been warning signs of an impending uterus-lining shedding) and Fatty said why not go back to Clementi to get some frog-legs porridge.
I bet he was having a craving for it too because like he mentioned it a couple of times already. LOL.
We met his SIM friends at the coffee shop and we sat down with them. Fatty went to order the food and when he came back I was like, "OMG WHAT'S THAT BLACK STAIN ON YOUR SHIRT!?"
Sure enough there was a huge black patch on his tummy area. We were thinking about where could he have gotten it when I suggested maybe it was from him leaning against the stall when he ordered the food or whatever.
Anyway, throughout the meal I kept smelling this horrible shit smell and it came in wafts. I could only get the general direction, which was on my left and I kept telling Fatty about it. He kept smelling himself because he was sitting on my left and he thought the shit smell was from the stain.
He said sometimes he really feel like chopping off my nose because I have a too sensitive sense of smell.
I was wearing my Cotton On dark purple with black stripes shirt, which I'm damn proud of because it looks quite nice and it costs like damn cheap!
The thing is, when I was reaching forward to scoop more porridge (damn shiok) and I saw from the corner of my eyes a white patch on my shirt.
This subconscious Wen Er hidden at the back of my mind was thinking, "Hey! My shirt is only purple and black, how come I see a white stripe in my peripheral vision!?"
I swear I get saved a lot with my peripheral vision. Many times.
That time from a huge spider at Dian's hall, the cars I've avoided like many times when I walk across the carpark and they swerve out out of a sudden, spotting Hele and managing to hide my small Ernie from her just in the nick of time, etc etc.
So I turned my head and OH.MY.GOD.
There was bird shit on my left sleeve. WTH! No wonder I kept smelling it! Eee! Luckily I'm not those kind of dirty people that uses the sleeve to wipe the mouth when they eat, or wipe their face when they perspire or whatever. Imagine the bird shit smearing on your face and you don't even know it!
Fatty and I realised that we both kena-ed bird shit on the way to the hawker centre.
And it proved that Fatty's tummy is so big that it got hit by the bird shit first. He was saying how luckily he is, I mean if he walked a bit faster then the bird shit will hit his head. HAHA. Totally true.
And if I walked a bit more to the left, my head would get hit by a dungbomb.
Both of us at the same time, what are the odds!!?
By the way, talking about smells. When we were on the train to Clementi this woman came in with all her plastic bags and stuff.
I kind of gagged a bit because I have a really sensitive gag reflex and she brought in Durians. Can you imagine I had to endure it for the rest of the trip!? I really wanted to complain to the train conductor you know!
I hate Durians and I even more detest the smell of them! And isn't it like illegal to bring them into the stations and trains!? And what the hell is wrong with her? She didn't even bother to tie up the bags!!!!!!! I mean, if you know you're doing something illegal then can you like at least tie up the bloody bags to 'mask' the smell and be more considerate!!!!!!!???
PISS ME OFF!
Instead of banning chewing gums, my dear Singapore Government, please ban the import of Durians. Maybe I should set up a Facebook page on BAN DURIANS IN SINGAPORE! I think a lot of you will hate me for that, but whatever.
And WHAT THE HELL. Again.
Stupid Mediacorp thinks we're blind, or deaf is it? How many times are they going to show me Too Fast 2 Furious on Channel 5!? I can safely state I've at least seen it being shown on TV like 3 times in this year alone!
And what about that Jet Li's show called Unleashed!?
STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!
I don't even watch it okay, I just turn on the TV to maybe watch the news or catch a bit of The Price is Right or Survivor and BOOM!!!!!!
"All right, all right, let's fire them up!!!"
And in comes this black man's voice singing, "Too fast, too furious."
SHUT UP!
My memory is too good for my own sake. STOP IT! I'm damn pissed off. Tell me you know what I'm saying. RIGHT!? RIGHT!? The trailer for the stupid show!? YOU KNOW YOU DO!
I'm going to write a letter of complaint, NOW.
No wait, until after I write about the next part.
Yesterday, this group in my Abnormal Psych class was presenting about Schizophrenia and they were doing a short skit. Actually, it was a long one. Anyway, this girl in the group was acting as the Schizo victim and she started to get persecutory thoughts.
She climbed the chair and started shouting:
DON'T THINK I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING! LOOK! THE POLICE ARE HERE! YOU ARE ALL OUT TO GET ME! LOOK! EVEN THE SWEAT TEAM IS HERE!
I immediately bursted out laughing, damn hard and loudly! I had one of those laughs that involved a momentary loss of control that caused me to pitch forward like someone knocked me at the back of my head. I think I even clapped while laughing like once or twice.
I had to cover my laughter for about 5 minutes after that and even the Chit-ye girl asked me, "Did I hear her say 'SWEAT'?"
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!
I could die laughing right now.
I know it's mean to laugh at people's diction, or pronounciation, or like accidental mispronounciation, but I can't help it!
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!
If you really don't know why I was laughing, it's because she said SWAT as SWEAT...
