Thursday, November 24, 2011

Hornets Like Stinky Heads?

So, I've come to a conclusion.

My dad is seriously, the MOST unlucky person I have ever known/met in my entire life.

First, when I was young, I'd catch him crying in the toilet in the middle of the night because he had very bad asshole pains when shitting. 
He had piles.
Then, he went for surgery to remove them. 
Again, on the hospital bed, he was crying.

Next, in about 2003 he fell down from a very tall machine and he had to walk with a walking stick for a few weeks after that.

Then, in 2004, he suffered this extremely weird hiccupping and burping at the same time disease.
I think I mentioned once in this blog, he kept doing that disgusting hiccupping and burping and at the same time moaning that he's in pain sound when I was trying to have my lunch.

Due to other things that he did (like he freed my cat w/o my permission and etc), I DID NOT feel any pity for him. At that time, I even felt anger, like why the hell must he sit there and moan and groan and do his stupid hiccupping/burping thing when I'm eating!? 
He really put me off my lunch. 
I was damn pissed.

After that, in about 2006, he had this bone growth or whatever in his neck and he had to go TTSH for surgery. I think it was quite a major surgery.
I remember my mom brought me there after his operation and he was resting in the hospital bed.

I know I'm heartless and whatnot, but at that time, my hatred for him really reached to the max. I know I should feel sorry and sad for him. 
But before that, when he found out I retained, he really gave me hell. So did my mom. 
I'm not exaggerating, nor am I trying to justify that because of their stupid actions and words, which made me feel so depressed, I could act/feel that way around him.

Anyway, when I was in the room with my mom, I just sat there and got really angry on the inside. I'm such a stupid teenager right.
I really wished he'd die, right then.
I swear, my hatred for him then was that strong.
Of course now I don't feel that way.

Although I really feel he ruined certain points of my life.

After that, in about 2009, he SUDDENLY had this really weird dizzy and ear-blocked sickness.
Seriously, right?!

He said his ear was blocked and he felt very dizzy and felt like vomitting.
Because in Psych, I learnt that our (in layman terms) "ear system" and our "body balance" is linked, I knew straightaway it must be because of his ear being blocked that he felt dizzy and all that. I told him so and he brushed it aside...
Anyway, it was during my exam period and I went with my parents to NUH A&E, I brought plastic bags in case he suddenly puked. My mom kept asking why I need the bags and took my ideas that he might suddenly vomit and moot.
WHATEVER.

YOU KNOW WHAT!?
After that, he did suddenly puke in the car. And luckily I brought that 2 plastic bags!
WTH.

After this weird illness, he had dengue in 2010, which I know sucks. 
It hurts like mad and all that.
But seriously, my dad can't take pain. He cries at the slightest thing. 

Honestly, how do you respect this kind of person, right? 
Even my grandma says my dad can't take pain and that he likes the attention. My mom says the same thing too.

He kept moaning and groaning, saying why he's so unlucky and he wants to die, this and that, no one care for him.
He made it such a huge ordeal that he went to CDC you know.
That's Centre for Communicable Disease.
I thought people only check themselves in or go there if like say, a zombie apocalypse happens or something.
Okay, I'm exaggerating, haha.

But really, if you were living in my house with him, after a while you get DAMN fed up with his complaining. I SWEAR!
People always don't believe me and say I'm very mean, but you are not in my shoes. My whole family gets quite sick of his complaints.

My mom even says that if he's a woman and he needs to give birth, he'd surely die.

Okay, after this dengue, he had Shingles at the start of this year.  
Yes, yes...Shingles is damn itchy and painful, I know. 
But he moans like a freaking bitch, I tell you.

You know, normal people would feel bad to trouble others with their complaining right? I'm talking about NORMAL people okay. Maybe if the pain is so great, they'd complain, but not as much as my dad.
He can't get sick. Do you know why?
Because he pulls the whole family down with him.

And I realise that he'd start moaning when he hears/sees people near him...
And when you try to console him, he lashes back at you.
Say not that he wants to complain, but he don't complain to me who else can he complain to...etc etc, nobody loves/cares about him, he sacrifice so much for us and this is how we treat him, life is so unfair.

BOO HOO.

Life IS unfair.

Was life fair to me when they retained me when my marks just fell short of the passing grade?
Was life fair to me when you kept punishing me for failing and losing your face?
SO?!
I took it and didn't trouble anybody else about it okay!

And sacrifice is SILENT. You don't tell people you sacrifice things for them and make them feel guilty. This only pushes people away and instead of feeling grateful, they feel you're quite annoying and naggy.
I'll admit he has worked very hard for our family. But so did my mom. And he always belittles her efforts in bringing us up. I don't like that.

Pain?

Last time, I had like 20 over splinters removed from my leg WITHOUT any anaesthesia okay.
And the doctor even said she's impressed that I can take that much pain.
Because I waited like over a week and the whole knee got infected and I had very high fever because of that.
It was bloody painful because she had to dig around the whole swollen wound for one of the bigger splinters and stuff, but did I moan to them!?
And after that, I had to pay the clinic S$100 out of my own pocket, and I was only 17 at that time, and when I came home they saw the bill and said I waste money, this and that.
I had to sleep the whole afternoon because I had fever from the infection and you know what they said?
I had fever because I'm too heaty and lazy.
My fever is just an excuse.

I can go on, but I can tell you, I haven't forgiven them for all these stupid comments.
You say it's not good bearing grudges, shortens your life, etc, they're your parents after all...

THAT'S NOT REASON ENOUGH TO MAKE ME FORGET.

And please remember that I have quite a good memory, so I find it even harder to forget when memories are coupled with strong emotions.

Anyway, when his Shingles healed, he still kept complaining about the itchiness. And acted like it was such a big deal.
I had chicken pox, it was damn itchy, but I didn't complain what!

Okay, so now comes my favourite part.

A few months ago, my sister got stung by a wasp in our house. She accidentally stepped on it and it stung her. There's a tree outside our kitchen window and I think their nest is there because I see some buzzing around some leaves sometimes.
After that, because of the pain, she went to see a doctor.
My dad was saying such a small sting you wanna take MC and not go work and have to see doctor.
And he refused to close the kitchen windows smaller so there were loads of stupid wasps flying in and getting caught in our lamps and stuff.
WTH right.

So that day, I was feeding Scabbers when my dad called.
His voice was muffled and I could tell he seemed to be crying/on the verge of tears.
He told me he's at Alexandria Hospital A&E with his friend. Before that, they were at Labrador Park and this hornet flew near his face. He said it wanted to sting him, but I think differently. I'll tell you why later. 
He swatted it away and a few seconds after that, a swarm came. 
All that time, he kept saying they attacked for nothing. He tried to run away, but he fell and his friend picked him up and continued to run.

As a result, my dad had about 7-8 stings on his head area and his friend was stung once on the hand.
Probably when he tried to save my dad.

You know what I gather?

Number one, animals don't attack you for nothing. 
Unless they are rabid or paranoid due to bad experiences before.

Number two, I think the first hornet that flew near him was a scout and was just flying near his head. When my dad swatted it, it panicked and released pheromones to alert the whole hive, signaling danger.
So they came and sting him.

Good story right?
I really think it's like that.
I've watched too many animal documentaries to not know.

Anyway, he stayed at the hospital for damn long and I bet he kept complaining about it to the doctors, like usual, that's why he stayed so long.
Then they gave him 2 or 3 jabs. Usually once is enough I think. But I think the doctors just wanted to shut him up and gave him more jabs because he kept saying how painful it was.

I know, hornet/bee/wasp stings are very painful.
But unless you're allergic, you're quite safe. It's painful but you survive.

When he came home, he kept asking me to find the stings on his head.
And his head was VERY smelly!
So gross.
And with all the hair, how the hell can I find it right?!
At least go and bathe before asking someone to check out your smelly head la!

And the doctors gave him painkillers.

After that, he kept acting "poor thing", say still slightly painful, and that he's so unlucky.
I get that he's unlucky.

Probably if I were him, and illnesses after weird illnesses striking me down will lower my spirits and I'll descend into depression.
But I swear, I've never seen a person complain as much as him. 
And can't take pain at all.
And expect one-time miracle cures all the time.

All right, I know I sound downright ungrateful and heartless in this post.
Maybe I am heartless, but I'm not ungrateful.
Whenever he has any illness, everyone avoids him.
My eldest sister gets the "best deal" because she doesn't live with us anymore.
In fact, she got married and after she moved out, my dad's problems started happening. 
Which is lucky for her.

My mom would sometimes lose her temper with him because he complains too much. My second sister is working and when she's home, she even admitted to me that she don't like to talk too much with him when he's sick in case he starts complaining.

I'm the only one that tries to make him feel better!
And he does/says things that sometimes make me regret being nice to him.

Tell you something funny. My mom was saying why the hornet will sting him is because his head is slightly balding. Then the hornets thought it's their hive, so (according to her words) "Down there my hive, down there my hive!".
LOL. It's much more funny when you hear my mom say it.

Anyway, I just hope he doesn't encounter any more bad luck from now on...

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

HOW!?

I just got my results for my teaching internship during the summer holidays...

I got a pass.
Just to be clear, I only just realised that this internship is awarded a pass/fail grade.

WHICH FREAKING MEANT THAT ALL THAT EFFORT I PUT INTO SUCKING UP AND WORKING SO HARD WAS FOR A BLOODY PASS.

And I got shit alllllll the time from one of my teaching supervisors. He's the master delegator and he kept asking me to do his shit work and assigning me things at the last minute 

>:(

Angry.

Anyway, I received an email from MOE telling me I'm offered the teaching award. I think it means if I apply and get selected in the final rounds of interviewing, I'll go into NIE for a year of study in Teaching and get paid S$800 monthly (which is not bad!) and after that I'll have to serve a bond for 3 years in teaching.

What I was planning to do with my future is....

(1) Be a forensic psychologist.

My dad thought it's something like forensic sciences/pathologist, which it is NOT. It's more of studying/researching why terrorists/murderers/pedophiles/etc behave and act that way, what they felt/think when they were committing the crimes, profiling them. 
Like Criminal Minds?

I believe I'm quite good with this, observations and inference and stuff. A lot of the stuff the prof was talking about I noticed and okay, I'll not go on if not it might seem like I'm bragging.
I just feel I might have a bit of interest in this field...

However, after my very sad graded essay and presentation for this module, I'm afraid I can't do well in it anymore. Very, very sad.
I shall not complain here.
And I believe my prof has a bad impression of me after I questioned him about my essay.

SAD T_T

Also, I heard that they try to hire people with at least 2nd Upper Class Honours...
My prof said they try to hire people who are plain looking and when you go and interview suspects, you must dress down.

I don't know if I can actually face the prisoners/suspects without trying to kill them when they say awful things. I don't know if I can maintain my composure....

(2) Work as a counsellor.

You know, school counseling and stuff like that.

I've always thought it's a relatively "slack" job. 
You know, all those young, impressionable minds that I can influence into my warped sense of rationality...HAHAHAHA.

So I searched for courses to further my qualifications after I graduate. 
There's a Masters in Counselling and Guidance but if taken full-time it's 2 years and the course fees is like 20+k.....
And although the website says I can ask to be exempted from retaking up to 2 modules, if I have taken it up before, I need to have scored a minimum grade of B.
One is my stats module (which I really, really hate and I swear I'll never do again) and the other is developmental psychology.
However, I got a D+ in stats and a B- in the other!

WALAO. Can't they offer modules which I scored better in!? Any other modules!?!??!
And that 2 stupid D+ (for both my stats core modules) costed me. It really pulled down my GPA. Die.
Very worried. And stressed.

So I'm very reluctant/afraid to take up Masters. 

Next, I found an NIE Diploma course in School Counselling, which is something I want, and is only 6 months!
However, in the "Can I apply" part, they say "Course participants are nominated and sponsored by Ministry of Education, Singapore. They are teachers who have working experience in pastoral care, guidance and counselling." 

Sorry but, WTH!?
Does that mean only teachers can take up this course?
And nominated ones as well!?
HOW!?????

I am very confused, so I sent an email to the guy they asked me to send to if we have any enquiries. But the indian guy has not replied me for 4 days. Eeyer!
So I called his number. 
NO ANSWER.

WHAT!?

So I sent an email to NIE admin services.
Hopefully they'll reply me tomorrow.

I'd rather take up this Diploma though.
Cheaper, shorter period of time and NO STATS.

Frankly, I have a problem with interacting with people in general, especially strangers. So I don't know if I can deal with this. Thinking on my feet, asking them questions, guiding people and etc.

(3) DXO in Ministry of Defence.

I saw on the website that there are many positions I can apply for. I'm thinking this is my 
best option so far.

I do hope they're not too strict on grades though.
Although I think they probably would be. Most government jobs do require it...

(4) Take up this teaching award thing, then apply for that diploma in counselling.
Or be a teacher.

(5) Work at IMH/any clinical settings/hospitals

Honestly, I really don't know what to do with my life.
I'm not a person with extremely high ambitions.
I just want to earn enough to get by comfortably. I don't have to be a professor or 
whatnot, have Phd and etc.
I just know I don't want to be stuck in an office job with all the politics and tiny boring cubicles...

The thing is, I don't want to spend much more time studying anymore. I do know I need to further my education, because almost everyone has a degree nowadays. And a lot of people have a psych degree.

I feel like I'm damn old already.
I lost a whole year in JC, now I see my friends/classmates who took a 3-year course (w/o honours), or they went SIM and whatnot, graduating and entering the working life.
I know the student life is a bliss.
Working life sucks.

But I want to have money. Enough to I don't know, marry/get my own place/move out in the near future.
I hate sharing a room with my sister.

Sigh.
I'm whining a lot.
Too much, actually.