Another really depressing post.

I'm feeling quite annoyed and pissed off. If you are reading this now I'm going to tell you I'm not blogging in that other blog until you do something about it. It's like stagnant and I don't wish to be the one who keep trying to get it alive even if you're busy.

I went to this Art exhibition on Friday. I ended school at 12.30, left with Mei Yi to BPP. She's such a nice girl! And she's damn cute. Haha. Anyway, went back school to take the bus to Suntec. Okay, here comes the horrid part. When I was getting off the bus I was trying to hop from the bus's steps to the curb. It was like 2metres away. I don't know why I did it. Damn dumb.

Well, I did managed to get on the pavement but I was flung headlong by my own inertia into the group of art students. I collide like an unstoppable pinball into so many of them, and I don't know most of them. What a great entrance to make in front of the other Art people right. Nice first impression..They were giving me wierd looks like they thought what happened to me and I was crazy or something. Damn dumb and ugly la.

I could have died on the spot. Ya I know I always laugh at people tripping or falling or doing dumb stuff. I don't blame people laughing at me because I do that too. And you know what? I laugh because I know if I were the one falling or tripping looking like a dumb-ass, people would laugh too. Anyway, I was busy trying to avoid them during the exhibition. Luckily Mr Tan didn't see me. I'd want to die!!

I cancelled the dinner with them and went walking around. I saw this OP skirt. Looks quite okay. I've been wanting to get another skirt so I just thought of buying it. Since I don't usually see any skirt that I'd want. I was feeling damn miserable. Can you believe it. I have no friends. Okay, not that I don't It's just that I'm freaking anti-social and embarrassed(by that head-on collision with the other people thing). I called Tracy.

Turns out she was watching a movie with Aaron. V with Vendetta. I really want to kill myself. Can you see how pathetic I am. Des already watched it and I thought I can watch it with Tracy. WOA! Now she watched it already and I don't have anybody else. I feel like laughing at myself. Well, I went to meet up with them at Taka later on. I felt quite bad about Aaron. I think he was quite uncomfortable around me. Sorry.

I can't help making people think I'm wierd. Seriously, my new classmates think I'm wierd. I really think so. I am wierd, but I don't know.

I'm really very sorry to say this. But I'm damn regretful about the J2 common tests being over. Not for most people though. I don't know. Can't say it here now.
Feel abit neglected. But it's sadistic you know. Because part of me hopes I'd get neglected yet when I am, I feel miserable. I guess I like the feeling. Self-pity. I'm damn contradictive.

I bought that skirt. And Mount Dragon(book). Oh cool. Incidentally my skirt's green in colour. Again. I swear green's not my favourite colour. I'm reading Mount Dragon now. And Mei Yi lent me her ultra pocket-sized Tetris game to me. So fun la. I swear upon my chest I'm sort of a tetris queen.

Yesterday, some of the Touch Rugby girls were at the locker tables after their test. One girl asked if I joined Touch because of ________. No way lo. I mean, that's like so...I don't know. I wanted to join last year what, but no one wanted to join with me. And, I played Touch in my primary school days, although it's freaking long ago and I've forgotten most of how the game is played. Seriously, I don't join to follow the crowd. Or whatever you call it.

And I'm feeling quite depressed now. I know I know. I seem to always be depressed in this blog. I knew I'd be depressed this year no matter what. I guess its the 2006 bad karma that's getting to me. I'm feeling tired about certain stuff. I'm not feeling well. My throat's itchy and my nose's blocked. Head feels damn heavy and had tuition at 8.30 this morn.

I tell you. Life sucks. Totally. And nothing's ever going to change this thought, even when I'm happy no matter what. Feeling damn pissed off right now. Going to end here. Bye.





Sorry about this depressing post.

I'm really disappointed.

I hate bugs.

YY sent this to me.
Nibbles or Nipples?











I swear upon my chest that day is a really unlucky day for me! It's so unlucky that I just feel like crying while typing right now.
Firstly, my parents brought me to some ULU hawker centre in Jurong East to eat dinner. The place is ultra sleazy. I hate it. Anyway, I ordered Wanton mee. VEGETARIAN wanton mee. Sucks right. I didn't know that la. And their version of the wanton mee is totally warped. Damn gross. With wierd dark brown crispy things, no char-siew(eventhough I don't eat them), lot's of veggie and full of flies. Yes, bugs. How can it be a vegetarian stall when it has bugs in their food right!

Hello!?

BUGS = MEAT = NOT VEGETARIAN FOOD!

Although it's totally not meant to be inside it. Wa lao. I nearly died when I saw that the soup with the dumplings had a huge fly in it. Okay that one still nevermind. I went to get some chilli and when I proceeded to continue forcing the noodles down I saw this bug still alive, frantically wriggling through the noodles.

OHMYGOD. That did it. I shouted, kinda loudly that there's another bug in my noodles. I turned to that bloody vegetarian stall uncle and gave him a death-stare. He was peeping from behind his stall lo. Shithole.
I feel so bad for my mother! She bought the noodles for me and it can't be eaten! Well, it can la, just that I'll get even serious diarrhoea than I'm already having right now.

I WANT THE $2.50 BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, just to tell you all. I watched this documentary last time and that said that in a year, the average human consume about 500grams of bugs unintentionally. And yes, insects are full of protein and healthy to consume. BUT WHATEVER K!? At least not in my dinner right!

Alright, then here comes the veryyy annoying part. My father was complaining that I'm choosy and picky and wasting food and all that shit. I wanted to _____ ___ ____!!!!! He expect me to freaking eat that plate of shit isit!? If it's yucky I'll still eat, but not with insects lo. My mother was quite nice, she shared with me her fish bee hoon. And she didn't scold me at all. How nice right??

Damn it. Then we left the shitty place. Passed by my very good primary school friend's house. NEO SING YI! Haha. My mother still remembers you!!! She asked about you, by the way. Anyway, I was listening to Desmond's ipod in the car when...my arm got really ticklish. I thought it's some loose thread from my shirt sleeve but it turned out to be this sicko cockroach trying to get into my shirt! I screamed like a mad pig. Can you understand this whole traumatising event!?

Luckily it's near the end of the car trip and I jumped out of the car when it was parked in the basement. Eeeeeeeks! At least it's a baby cockroach. Ohgod, so gross. I feel so miserable I feel like crying. WHY??? Why must all this insect-related things happen to me all in a day?! Damn unfair =(

This is sooo not my day.



Somebody faster come and comfort me please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Boredom can kill.

I'm really, really bored at home right now. I woke at 8 and couldn't sleep after that. I don't know why. Hello!? This is the March Hols!!!!!! I'm supposed to be pigging out until 11 or something. Anyway, after eating breakfast and watching tv for awhile I went to bathe. Then I ate a banana while watching Mr & Mrs Smith.

The show's quite nice. Very action-packed. All those bim-bam-kabang. Can't believe JA and BP divorced because of this movie. Or rather AJ. Never did like her. Her lip's really overdoing it lo. Sex-goddess. Ohmygod. I can't believe I used ______ BP!!!!

My mother's really angry with me yesterday for returning home late. Around 10. I sort of expected she'd scold me and get angry. And I deserve it la. It's not that late. But late for them I guess. Feeling quite gloomy right now. It's damn hot right now. My back's aching. I'm getting hungry. Got diarrhoea. Again. Think it's because of the stress.

Stress = Diarrhoea.

I'll end here now. Bye.

Barrel lost one of his arm!!!!

MM has thick-lips, fake long eye-lashes, and cool make-up.












Today was a realllll boring day. Woke up like 9+ because I couldn't sleep anymore. Then I watched tv till like 12 then went to bathe. Then I came online, did some stuff and proceeded to do some homework. It was really demoralising and boring. Yes, very. I could have died in the study room.

Anyway! Later at night Tracy's coming to my house for a night swim. Because she got traumatised over Final Destination 3's first death of the bimbos. In the tanning saloon. Can you believe her. I think I'm at the highest point of gore and sadism that I don't get affected anymore. And she agrees. Haha. Well, she's really affected and needs time to resurface into the light of the day under the harmful UV rays of the sun. Funny Tracy.

I think it'll be freezing later. But oh! The pool's so lovely-looking at night. I went to Tracy's house yesterday and then did some studying with her. She was showing me all sorts of really cool stuff bought from New Zealand. Books on Dragonology, Wizardology and Egyptology! I really think we're many ways alike. Haha. I know this since long ago, but whatever. And she collected rocks, pebbles and shells from the sea there! Her sister gave me a black shell, it's damn nice.

Reminds me of Han Sai Por's drawings. Her charcoal on paper ones. She has a really nice and friendly family. But her house's real hot. I kept sweating non-stop. Her house doesn't have air-con! But still, it's cool. Oh! She bought this graphic art designs book done by this guy, it's damn nice. He plays with optical illusions. I brought fbts to change in case it'd be hot and I'm so lucky I thought of bringing it.

I was changing in the room that she shares with her bro. I haven't told you about him. He's studying in the same secondary school as we were and last time when he was in sec1 he was so small and all that! WOA, now he's like much taller than us and his voice broke...Anyway, I was changing at a frantic pace because I was afraid he might suddenly enter because I didn't close or lock the door. Don't know why I did something like that. Haha. Reminds me of the time Ain and I changed in LT1...

Oooh! Tomorrow I'm going out, to cool off, last few days I've been studying, abit. Not with Tracy though, can't bother her, she has to study!!! At least I did do work and studied right. We're watching a movie and going shopping tomorrow!

I'm feeling kind of hungry right now. And it's really hot..looking forward to the swim later! Ahhh. I hate this hot and humid weather. Alright, I should end here. Byebye!





I really can't wait, Burgerboy!

Demon in my view.

.


What is this noise,
This mass destruction?
Why are they here,
With guns and canons?
When will this stop,
And all of their co-sacred crimes?
How can there be a cease-fire,
If both parties won't give in?
Will they ever understand,
That in war there can be no winner?
If they allow themselves to comprehend,
Their own people will be the ones who suffer?
Is it ever possible,
To eliminate this greed and lust?
Who will be the next Oracle,
And point to us the right path?
Questions on a hanging limb,
That no one can be sure of to answer.





Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My bruise is finally healing!

"Leaves Form Enclosing Space" By Han Sai Por. I love it.













I swear that I'm a bookworm. I really am. Desmond bought me two books on Thursday, and I finished them already. Thank you!! I've read like 4 books in total this week, counting those that Tracy borrowed from the school library for me. And I was trying to slow down. Can you believe it. And in between I've been reading magazines like Lime and newpapers. Either this, or I'm really free and have nothing better to do.

Well, I do have something to do. That is, to study, but teachers have not taught anything this week and all these are bascis, so...Anyway, I still need to do revision.

Now can you grasp the concept that I really have nothing better to do? Its March hols this week. I'll have to study a bit, just to let me father be happy. Haha. But the thing is, he won't be happy. As in that happy. He wants me to study everyday and stay at home and be little goody-2-shoes. Which I'm not. And I have a social life. BUT!!! I still have to settle down.

My eldest sister said maybe we're going to Hong Kong in late May! I want I want! I'm so going to shop like crazy there. The last time I went Hong Kong was in Secondary 3, and don't bother to ask how was the trip and blah blah. Because let's just say it was traumatising. Maybe I should start saving up. Yes! And there's the holidays this month, so I should be spending less money.

I've been really moody and gloomy and depressed this week. Real horrible. Sometimes it's due to nothing, sometimes its due to everything. It's like one of those days, you know. You get depressed over nothing, but actually it's everything when it's nothing at all? And all those little things you encounter in your daily life builds up and you kind of explode all of a sudden because of the accumulation.

I'm not the kind of person that works well under stress or pressure. I used to be naive yet confident, but GreenRidge kind of changed me. Seriously, GreenRidge and most people from there sucks. Most of my friends from there aren't, which is only a handful, but what the hell. I hate that place.

By the way, that Tammy thing is like, damn dumb. I just can't believe that we used to be real close. I guess she kind of had the potential to be that kind of person. She used to come over my house to swim and cycle, taking neoprints while Jeslyn and I were psychoing TinTin-lookalike(Jia Jun) to pay for more. That's like so wierd. And you watch your old friend having sex with her boyfriend. Kinda gross. Sorry Wei Ting, I know it's just sex. But seeing you on video is quite traumatising. And Darius, you were sort of accurate in naming her 'Porno Queen' or PQ those years ago. She really is one now I guess.

I feel sad for her, but what the heck. Why film yourself down!? You mean to take your phone home and watch yourself again? I tell you, the human mind's real perverse in all sorts of ways. We may say we're civilised and are not animals, but you know what? Deep down, we're all animals. Don't deny it.

And I was writing in my GP essay the other day about the Prophet Muhammad cartoons and what happened and all that shit. The title was like, "To Print or Not to Print?" I just felt that if Muslims were to resort to acts of violence and all that to innocent people, and some not so innocent and vice versa about the guilty Danish involved, all in the name of religion, then maybe having no religion at all on Earth would be better?

I was thinking how nice would the world be without one. Well, not that Religion does not have benefits I guess. Yes, people say they gain some enlightenment and many have had help from their Religion to get back on the right track. Sorry, but I'm really an essentialist. Religion's so not me, so don't mind me commenting on such stuff. And please don't bother to comment on what I've just said. It's really unnecessary.

Yet, I'm a really contradictive person, so...Ya, whatever. Mr Tan called me on my phone that day. Oh, he's so charming! Haha. Don't worry, I'm not in love with him. No way! He's 29!!! But he's so shy and his voice is monotonous. Real turn-off at the end right?

Anyway, I should end now. Will update again. Which should be soon, since March Hols is real boring. Oh, I suddenly remembered that at this time last year, I was just starting to talk to Shawn. On Msn. It's like a real long time ago, but the memories still stay fresh. All the lying parts, I guess.
I miss Skippy. He's got real furry testicles. Damn cute. I love him!

Byebye!!!






I'm sooo soo whipped.

We face troubles everyday.

Her back tires
and canines grow,
Bloodlust desires
we lie in low.

Hunger that cannot be sated
with just one victim,
Jugular veins severed
the world's caving in.

Abnormal thoughts
she's so very latent,
Confused frustrations
her passions burn.

Red warm liquid
he lies there lucid,
Life-bringing fluid
will drain the fatigue.

What is this emotion he does not comeprehend?
Why are words spoken to deliberately offend?
Has life no meaning for him any longer?
Walking through the Devil's mist I do not shudder.





Once again, I am depressed.

I'm seriously really bored.

I've just fully realised that I've been offending in this stupid blog. As in, really offending. Anyway, I think I should be milder. I was real depressed over nothing today. O4 is boring. At least the subject talks are. I was running away from teachers the whole day. And guess what.

I got caught by Uncle Moley, our dear DM of PJ.

For what? You may ask. Well, for not putting on the bloody school tie. I did put it on. Around three times. I wore it to school. Then took it off because I didn't see many people in the hall having it on, so I thought we didn't need and I took the damn thing off. Then when I was walking around to search for the dumb class, I tried putting it on because Michelle told me we had to. Okay, then I met Jane and Felicia. Don't know what happened and I took it off. We were walking to the canteen from the toilets when that damned DM came out.

Woa, I thought he was going to catch me for my skirt or earrings or not being for the subject talks. Well, it was for not putting on the stupid tie. I told him my reasons. And you know what? He listened like he totally empathised with me and understood my POOR situation. He ended the conversation with a,

"Okay, hand me your EZ link cards."

I mean like, shut up. Okay, that was still not the bad part. He then started lecturing us on why we had to put on the tie and all that, that we're no different than others. And why the other J1s didn't need to put it on because they weren't wearing the uniform. He was holding the bloody tie in his hands, shaking it and trying to make the connection -> PJ uniform = tie on Mondays.

Like whatever. The worst part was when he said that to wear the tie, you must be wearing the PJ uniform. Damn dumb la. Well, he emphasised it. He even said it himself, that he's wearing the tie too.

This is the important part. He's not even wearing our PJ uniform, why is he wearing the tie? Let me recap what he was trying to emphasise earlier on.

PJ uniform = tie on Mondays.

No PJ uniform, no PJ tie.

Anyway, at least he gave back my EZ link. He made Jane buy another tie that costs $10.50 though. And he said he didn't know she'd buy one and he's sorry. Hello, if you're really sorry, please buy the tie back from her please.

Well, my day couldn't have been worse with teachers chasing the J1s up to the hall. We were trying to hide and sought to the Library. I think Joseph Lee followed us in and he politely asked us to go to the hall. Well, he caught us but not the hockey guys. They were like pointing and laughing. I could have went over to twist their heads 360 degrees around =)

We then hid behind the hall. Then Felicia lost her phone. Luckily I remembered this teacher's face and saw the AVA technician's reflection through the windows and help from Jane and all that she got it back. Whew.

Then I had nothing to do. I guess that's what got me all depressed. I just can't stand not doing anything. I met Tracy in the library. Well, thanks for her help. Sorry I was so miserable just now. As in really miserable.

I felt like crying over nothing. I felt like cutting myself because I was so bored. I felt like screaming and stabbing someone to kill time. I wanted to kiss and hug someone. I wanted to pluck Great White's earphones and shout in her ear in the library. I wanted to rebel. I wanted to skin Uncle Moley's mole.

See how mad I can get when I'm bored. And I bore easily. So shit. Anyway, Tracy helped me to borrow this Ghost book and a thriller. Yay. I walked home alone, feeling like a dead corpse dragging its limbs to the grave, which is home. And I found my father. He's home still. Yes, He hasn't gone to Malaysia for work.

He was real nice. Maybe he's nice. My mother too. Just that sometimes what they do can get overboard. I'm real appreciative about such stuff, I guess. Anyway, he was rubbing my humungous bruise on the knee. But when he bend his neck down to look at it, it hurt real bad. I feel so bad for him. I don't know how to show affection towards family. I think it's just not in me. I can only feel deep deep sadness inside. Sometimes I'd feel like crying.

Like when I was in Primary 5 and my father was having piles and shitting and crying and moaning in the toilet...I was outside and shocked to hear him crying in pain. That's like so wierd. My father..

Ya anyway, it might sound funny now, but I felt so bad I couldn't do much that I wanted to cry. With him, not at him.

Yet, why do some things have to happen to make me feel angry?

I have tuition later. I'm seriously dreading it. I hope she get knocked down by a taxi or something, like my other tuition teacher that I cursed like anything and it came true. Okay wait, I'm not supposed to be so offending. Sorry.

Damn it, she just called me. I had no guts to cancel the lesson. Think she'll burst or something. Think I should end here. Still feeling depressed now. I don't know what's wrong with me. I think its just hormones. Either that or I'm real bored with life this morning. DOH.

Shall end here. Bye.

We made up.

We conquered the wall, Tracy and I. But that bruise covering 3/4 of my knee is kinda worth it. Again, my body is susceptible to wounds and injuries. Ah.

If only I had known.

Desmond bought me Garlic bread with cheese yesterday. I was so surprised and happy when he asked me not to go home yet. Just felt it real sweet of him to have done that.

Yi Ying and Tracy were with me. After YY left Tracy and I played catching. So childish right, but we were really bored and had no other thing to do. We went to the fitness corner and trie dto climb the wall. I got many, I mean many bruises, small and BIG on my legs. There's one especialy big on my knee. It hurts real bad. Damn dumb la, I knocked myself against the wall trying to fling myself up. Anyway, we managed to conquer the wall and enjoyed the view.

By that time the rugby people had already finished their training. I was quite sad he didn't see me though. Then we found this tennis ball and played catch, like baseball, just without the bat and the glove thing. Ran like a mad pig. Didn't mind the exercise though. The field's really nice to run on. I went home like 8+ and by the time I finished with bathing and everything, it's already 9. I found out my bruise on my knee is horrible. Damn big. I'm aching everywhere and my arm has bruises too..

But here's the important part. I really didn't know you felt this way. Why didn't you tell me? If I'h known I'd do anything. I'm not taking you for granted or anything like that. I didn't show much emotion because Yi Ying was there and it's quite awkward about past events. I know I should have msged you, but it's just a routine, I thought you'd reply after your training or something. I was quite hurt when even after I was finally free at home and still no msg. So I thought I'd msg you.

I don't know. Couldn't sleep the whole night after what you said. My eye's real dry and my body aches all over. I have serious problem typing. Lianna gave me a huge bruise at my shoulder blades while playing captain's ball that day. And my arm. Ohmygod. I don't feel like moving. I don't know what to do. I feel so horrid, unsure. I'm really sorry you think that way. Why did things have to turn out this way.




If only.

Shit Goddammit.

Sorry, but I really have to say this.

I'm feeling really quite pissed with someone. I don't know. It's like, you've only heard from one side of the story yet you told me like, you're convinced what you think is true. And to think you didn't want to tell me. Would you want to have kept me in the dark? Not one-sided?

I'm as close as ever to him, or maybe more so than before. It doesn't mean you don't see us in school or in town or whatever shit I didn't tell you about us meeting one another means we're not close anymore or we're having problems. I just hate the thought of people telling me these stuff, even though I want to know it. I'm damn contradictive la.

Okay, just get this. Any other girl who tries to get between us, or even think about such a dumb thing, I'll hate you to the core. And, you'll just be wasting your time. Bloody hell, don't you know the meaning of TOGETHER? Why don't some people just stay away.

I feel quite betrayed. Sorry.

By the way, its hard to trust someone fully again. But I believe in you, k?
I really think I'm getting abit bitchy. Sorry.

I got back my CL AO results today. Damn shitty la. I passed but not up to my expectations though. B4 la. I won't tell my parents till' they ask me. I think they'll force me to retake or something. Well, my sister got B3 and I should focus on my more important subjects right? Yes, please people, comfort me!!!

I don't know. Quite disappointed about certain things. Anyway, thank you, these people who have helped me out today =)

I'm quite sorry about being so shitty about Claryce in the past. Ya, I was pissed off about some of the stuff she might have done or whatever that might have been misunderstood. Shouldn't have been so mean anyway. I was and am more angry about Shawn, like I said. Because he is/was the one in the fault. Really.

I bought a water gun from Si Hui. 60cents. Can you believe it. Then some people from Tracy's class went to drop it and now its leaking. NOW YOU KNOW WHY ITS 60cents ONLY!
Damn annoying. We were having a water-war la. Haha. Quite fun. Crazy people in my class. The jet-spray from the water gun is quite powerful.

Its quite different from my old class. Like people are more crazy and not so competitive and sly about stuff. Sort of being used. I don't know. Just feel unfair about certain stuff. Something happened in the clique of my old class.

Felt quite wierd to be in my old class today. Larry, Costa and Jerel was sort of nice to me la. They're one of the better of the guys I guess. Basically, almost all of the girls ignored me. Haha. Not that I mind.

Tomorrow will be a really short day in school. Yippee! NO MORE CHINESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D
I'll have even more breaks during school la. Shit. Anyway, shall end here. Byebye!






I tried being nice, but I guess there might be a limit.