SHIT! I just realised my birthday party's going to be like next week. All thanks to Mr Toh. Thanks ah!
I guess it's like that when I'm a person that really can't give a shit about my own birthday. So you might ask me, "If you really hate your birthdays then isn't it very ironic you're celebrating yours this year?"
Well, I guess I sort of did it because my second sis didn't have one.
I'm very worried about my friends not turning up, which I think a lot wouldn't. I really understand if they don't want to come or anything.
And it's not that I blame them, I have very little friends I can call as 'close' also. HAHAHA.
Must be due to my anti-social personality, LOL.
And another thing is that most of my friends aren't mutual friends of one another.
My dear Fatty can't make it back in time (I think he's the most easy to get along with and he knows most of my friends) so I think the party might be a disaster.
Should I get those white stickers to paste on people's neneh that they can write their own name down?
Omg, I'm so socially inept sometimes I can die.
Also, the stupid place could be quite out of the way for some of my friends. Ugh.
I hate being the center of attention and needing to 'try' and be friendly. I'm kind of regretting this party thing. But I try to look on the bright side and think it's like my one time at turning 21.
And then! What if my mom like order the catering and a lot of people don't turn up. Wa, I'll have to stuff myself and eat it for the next few days. Or like she book the bowling alley then no one wants to play bowling. Or it'll be so boring. Or my mom will freak out at the bottles of vodka I'll be bringing.
Not forgetting birthday songs. I hate it. I kind of cringe when people sing it, I think it's being the object of attention that really makes me have the birthday-song phobia.
Suddenly, I feel quite depressed. All over a party. So teenager-ish. Yucks.
Maybe for my 21st birthday wish, oh wait, are we allowed to say it out loud? I mean come on, it's the 21st, give me a break k.
Anyway, I'd wish that no matter how little effort I put in studying my grades will still be alright and I'll find a not-bad paying job and people will REALLY start doing something about climate change and Ernie will be alive, exactly as I want him to be.
It's such a simple wish, please wish-granter I hope you'll make it come true! HA!
Thinking back, I also realise that exactly 12 years ago was my eldest sister's 21st birthday party.
What I remember most from that night was this guy with the umbrella-fringe Aaron Kwok hairstyle who looked not bad to me at that time and me asking one of my sister's friends why her nails were painted half black and white.
My eldest sister must be the most sociable person I've ever met, except maybe for my Sallykins. I think my mom gave her all the 'sociable' genes to her and left none for my second sister and I. Just like everything else with bad traits was dumped on me.
The height factor, the small eyes (relative to my sisters, or so they say..) and etc.
And not forgetting all the trips to the Zoo and other places for educational trips that they didn't bother to bring me to because they've already brought my sisters there and they can't be bothered to for one last time.
Or that because my eldest sister didn't like her name 'Wendy' so my mom didn't give us an English name and I got stuck with 'WAN ER'/'WHEN ER'/'WENG ER' and etc for the rest of my life. Or like my second sister who always get official letters with the name 'MR TAN WENRONG'.
Plus, the art and piano lessons we didn't get because my eldest sister didn't like it or couldn't cope with it or whatever.
It's not that I blame her. I just think if you're going to have a child, try and be fair right.
I mean when you think about it, isn't it really sickening?
Anyway, enough with the self-reflective and self-pitying thoughts, or some-sort.
I was watching news this afternoon and there was this report about the storm in the Philippines and how many people died and the Philippinos had to line up for food rations and all that.
My mind suddenly switched back to me myself sitting on the couch feeling so comfortable. I really felt guilty for being there at that moment.
I started thinking, "When will Singaporeans ever experience such a thing?"
Our life is too comfortable and safe and if a sudden storm or Tsunami washes over Singapore, I can assure you that either number one, there will be no more red dot on the map, or number two many Singaporeans will go berserk from shock and astonishment, if there are any still alive.
